Comedy, pro wrestling and unusual scenes
15th August 1955
This skit was done by a comedic couple called "Top and Right", and was originally broadcast on Radio Tokyo.
What is interesting about this is the mixing of Japanese traditional culture with Western pop culture. This is significant, because the article was written only four years after the Occupation of Japan ended. It has often been said that the war didn't really end for the Japanese until 1951. Also note when it comes to describing matches, it is more sumo than wrestling.
Mambo Wrestling
T: The popularity of professional wrestling...
R: It's truly amazing.
T: Taking on Carnera, Ortega, and Curtis, Japan's Rikidozan, Azumafuji, and Kokichi Endo...
R: These were two giants, over six feet tall and over thirty kan tall...They were grabbing each other like this, twisting each other, then punching each other...
T: Just when you thought they were going to punch each other, they'd pull each other back and then slam into each other...
R: Just when you thought they were going to punch one would jump up like "What the heck?" and slam into him, then jump up and stomp him down.
T: He used a hold to grab his arm, a rock drop, and a hammer throw...
R: Headbutts, betrayals, hellish torture
T: Karate chops, boxing punches... he beats his opponent to a pulp and then takes him to the pin.
R: Oh, and then you take it to the hold.
T: That's right, it all comes down to the pin.
R: Finally, let's go to the hall. Do you like the mambo?
T: It's not just that I like it. It's my specialty. (Sings "Papa Loves Mambo")
R: (Dances along with the song.
~ Then they switch to singing "Cerezo Rosa")
T: (Dances along)
R: That's impressive. I'm good, but you're not bad either.
T: In that case, I'd say, "You're good, but I'm not bad either way."
R: Either way, both were fun.
T: Mambo is fun. Enjoy your youth.
R: Mambo is fun, the hall is fun, it's really nice, drinking tea like this, watching a movie, drinking beer, eating snacks, talking about love, strolling through the neon-lit streets, and finally dancing the mambo with you in a dance hall. It's a fun paradise. But, let me ask you, what do holds have to do with pro wrestling?
T: No kidding, a fall and a hold are different things. In professional wrestling, a fall is when you pin your opponent down and keep both shoulders on the mat for more than three seconds. That's a "fall." That's the fall, and that's how the match is decided.
R: If you keep both shoulders together for more than three seconds, it's a pin.
T: That's right.
R: That means I'm pinned for about ten hours every day.
T: What's going on?
R: At night, I get pinned by my futon. Neither Rikidozan or Carnera can beat my futon.
T: I'm gonna hit you.
R: Hey, karate chops are not allowed!
Crossing the river*
T: When it comes to karate, Rikidozan is the one. Rikidozan is strong.
R: Rikidozan is a master of karate, but Karate Kata is better.
T: Rikidozan is strong, but Azumafuji is also strong.
R: Primo Carnera is also strong. He is nearly seven feet tall, like a giant mountain. "The Moving Alps" is a good nickname.
T: Carnera is the "Moving Alps," Azumafuji is the "Moving Mount Fuji," and Rikidozan is the "Human Typhoon."
R: With the Alps, Fuji, and a typhoon, it's like a mountain opening ceremony* for a low-pressure system.
T: By the way, did you know that there's going to be a Pro Wrestling All-Earth Tag Team Championship match soon?
R: The All-Earth Championship?
T: That's right. It's a big deal, because it will choose the strongest human being on Earth, regardless of legend, history, or era.
R: Wow, that's huge.
T: Who do you think is the strongest man ever? Let's start with foreigners.
R: Okay. From a legend perspective, Samson from the biblical story of "Samson and Delilah" is powerful. After all, he killed a lion in one go, and he can knock down a marble palace.
T: I see. And then...
R: In the old days, there was Achilles. His only weakness was his Achilles tendon, but otherwise he couldn't be affected by arrows or spears.
T: And then...
R: There was the giant golem, and Frankenstein's monster
T: I saw that in a movie.
R: In the movies, Tarzan is strong. Popeye also gets a lot of strength when he eats spinach.
T: You are doing well
R: Flattery won't do any good. I won't lend you money or buy you a drink. I also like Superman, Lu Zhishen in The Water Margin and Sun Wukong in Journey to the West...
T: An educated man. Appearances can be deceptive.
R: This guy is a real hit.
T: Karate chops are common in Japan. And by the way, people in Japan are strong willed.
R: In our country, they are experts at it. Takejikarao no Mikoto*, who pushed open the heavenly rock door with his skill, and Susanoo no Mikoto*, who peeled back the horse's hide.
T: That was quite a classic.
And then, and then.
R: Nomi no Sukune defeated Taima no Kehaya. He's the god of sumo, so he must be strong. Speaking of sumo, Raiden Tameemon had a potent death.
T: I see, I see.
R: That old guy, Musashino Benkei was so strong, he only got defeated by Minamoto no Yoshitsune at Gojo Bridge in Kyoto. He's so strong he's said to have dragged the head of a monster weighing hundreds of pounds up to the top of a mountain. Iwami Jutaro Kanesuke is also amazing, tearing apart massive wooden barriers and throwing them aside.
T: Time to defeat the apes*. Hehehe..
R: You can add Toyouke and Nio Brothers, and Momotaro and Kintaro would be good too.
T: Stop, stop, that's all it takes. So, these giants, these strong fighters, they were fighting.
R: Oh, they did it.
T: Yes, they did.
R: What happened?
Tarzan joins in
T: The only ones left on the foreign side are Tarzan and Frankenstein.
R: So Samson and Popeye lost too?
T: Before the match, Samson accidentally went to the barber and got a short haircut, which caused him to suddenly become weaker. Popeye also forgot his spinach and lost his position...or so it was reported in the foreign news.
R: And on the Japanese side?
T: After a close battle, Raiden and Benkei remain
R: So, Tarzan and Frankenstein will team up. Meanwhile, Raiden and Benkei will team up on our side, and these two will compete for the All-Earth championship.
T: An All-Earth title match. Who's the referee? I mean, the umpire?
R: The referee is Yeti
T: (Makes a big yeti like gesture) Yuki Otoko*!
R: (Speaking solemnly) Yes, I am Abominable Yeti. As the promoter and commissioner, I would like to express my deepest respect for your generosity in coming all the way from the depths of the Himalayas to referee this great fight. Cough...
T: Oh, you're the promoter and commissioner of this fight? And where will the fight be held?
R: Summer is hot. This summer has been particularly tough. At the request of referee Yuki, who hates the heat more than anything, we chose the coolest place in Japan for the summer. Hmm..
T: Speaking of being cool even in summer...
R: It's also in the lyrics of the song. (Kisho Bushi*),
T: It's so deep in the mountains, it's going to be a hassle for spectators.
R: What's that supposed to mean? There's nothing to worry about, because the lead-up is going great.
T: So, how many matches are there?
R: It's just starting, and I'm going to be busy.
T: (Announcer in a roaring voice) This is ringside at the top of Mt. Ontake in Kitsuki. After many preliminary matches, we are finally at the main event. This marks the start of the first-ever international All-Earth Tag Match for the championship.
R: (Introducing the fighters, raising his voice a notch) In the white corner, Tarzan at 488 pounds, and Frankenstein at 25. In the red corner, Raiden at 560 pounds and Benkei at 515. Referee is Yuki Otoko.
Benkei's weak spot
R: The seconds for Tarzan and Frankenstein feature familiar faces such as Cheeta the monkey, and Young Tarzan. Also at ringside are elephants, crocodiles, and other unusual guests from faraway tropical countries, as well as a whole host of faces who have made the trip from the capital of Hollywood, all cheering loudly from the beginning. On the Japanese side, famous wrestlers such as Tanikaze* and Onogawa* along with a diverse cast like On the Japanese side, famous wrestlers such as Tanikaze and Onogawa, along with a diverse cast including Yoshitsune and Togashi, who are popular and have voluteered to be second.
T: It looks like it's time
R: The match is finally about to begin. It's the unlimited time single-match title match. First up is Benkei's match against Frankenstein. Benkei whipped off his striped gown and leaps in. He and Frankenstein locked horns. Then Franken grabbed Benkei's leg and flipped him over. He pressed on, exploiting Benkei's weak spot and pushing hard. Benkei struggles. He is in danger.
T: As expected of Benkei, he jumps up in surprise. This time he grabs Frankenstein by the collar and drags him towards his corner. It's like dragging a bell. And then it's the tag to Raiden.
R: Raiden suddenly appears, stomping his feet in the center of the ring. This is why Ontakeyama's floor is rumbling and trembling. After taking four steps from right to left, he braces his sides and leaps forward. Ah, a slap, and then a slam. Frankenstein, with superior stamina, is unable to withstand Raiden's furious thrusts, which he's trained in sumo, and he's tossed to the edge of the ring, no, there's no way around it. Now Raiden launches a ring attack, and Franken leans backwards and looks as if he's about to fall. Frankenstein has the upper hand.
T: Tag to Tarzan. Tarzan leaps forward energetically and delivers a sudden dropkick. Raiden stands tall in the center of the ring, unfazed. Tarzan seems a little angry, however, and goes for a tackle. Raiden slumps to the floor and throws him.
R: Benkei is cheering from behind, "Hurry up and pin him, get the pin!" He's cheering loudly, saying that a tax office-style seizure would be a good way to pin him.
T: Then, Tarzan suddenly jumps from behind Raiden and grabs him by the topknot. Raiden is furious.
R: Raiden lifts Tarzan up. Oh no! He thows him over the ropes.
Win by pinfall
T: Tarzan had vanished completely into the mist...he is nowhere to be seen.
R: I wonder how well Dragonfly Fishing went today.
T: The referee is counting...five, six. seven...if Tarzan isn't back by the time we reach twenty, he loses. Fifteen...sixteen...seventeen
R does the Tarzan yell
T: Oh, suddenly, wait, suddenly, Tarzan dives from the air! It's probably Tarzan's signature trapeze, using the vines entangled in a nearby tree. As he dives, his foot is aimed at Raiden's chest. Raiden is overwhelmed by this incredible dropkick.
R: Raiden dodges quickly to the left. Tarzan's foot cuts through the air and lands on the referees chest
T: The Yeti falls to the ground with a thud
R: (The Yeti shouts in shock at him)
T: The Yeti is completely pale. His face is bright red, and steam is rising from his head. Let's call him the Fireman.
R: The angry Yeti grabs Tarzan by the neck. He puts him in a headlock, and then throws him like a hammer.
T: He grabs him again and throws rock drops and aeroplane spins.
T: Tarzan has been hurt so much he's groggy.
T: Oh, Yeti, another amazing rock drop. He's got it.
R: One, two, three.
T: Oh, fall. A stunning fall win for Yeti. Yeti is truly strong.
R: Hey, hey, hold on a second, kid.
T: Yeti finally got the Pro Wrestling All Earth title...
R: Hey, hey, wait a minute, that's weird.
R: Why?
T: Because it's a comedy routine, it's not funny unless it's all funny.
Notes
Papa Loves Mambo: This indicates that it may have been played at the end of JWA shows.
Crossing the river: In the original Japanese this was "Japan's representative: Benkei Raiden". This relates to the legend of Minamoto no Yoshitsune and Musashibo Benkei crossing the Northern Seas. This does not translate well, but seems to relate a lot to Hokkaido.
Mountain opening ceremony: An event to pray for safety ahead of the climbing season of the year and to open the mountain for the first time. It is usually held around July 1st (summer) on sacred and high mountains. This custom dates back to the Edo period and has become established as a day to worship the gods, pray for safety, and allow climbers to climb the mountain.
Takejikarao no Mikoto: Japanese deity (kami) in Shinto mythology, widely revered as the god of physical strength, power, and sports. His name translates to "Heavenly-Hand-Power-Male". He is best known for his pivotal role in the myth of Ama-no-Iwato (the Heavenly Rock Cave). When the sun goddess Amaterasu hid in a cave, plunging the world into darkness, Takejikarao was the deity who, after Ame-no-Uzume’s dance successfully coaxed her to open the door slightly, used his immense strength to pull her out and restore light to the world.
Susanoo no Mikoto: Susanoo-no-Mikoto is the Shinto deity of storms, the sea, and summer, born from the nose of the creator god Izanagi during purification. Known as a wild, impulsive "trickster" god, he is the younger brother of the sun goddess Amaterasu. He flayed a horse (some accounts say it was a mule or donkey) and threw the carcass into the weaving hall of Amaterasu (his sister).
Apes: Iwami was said to have killed a giant ape like monster.
Yuki Otoko: A fictional monster that appears in the Cthulhu Mythos. In Japan he is less of an ape like creature, but more of one of the undead who lives in the mountains of Hokkaido. He appears as a frozen blue black human corpse. He sometimes attacks humans, but instead of clawing them to death or ripping them apart, he acts like his counterpart, Yuki Onna, and freezes people to death.
Kiso Bushi: A Nagano folk song, usually sung at Obon, which is apt for the date of this article.
Tanikaze* and Onogawa* Legendary sumo wrestlers
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